Fertile ground Out of the dead of the desert .....

Out of the dead of the desert

Will come your youth like dew

After the pain and the groaning

Comes celebration you

This is the time, this is day,

Old life behind, new life embraced

No longer desolate,

Let this be fertile ground

Where children of the promise are found

(Godfrey Birtill- Songwriter)

May 2010

HOLES

Warm sunny day and getting hotter. Just noticed what a mess is around me. Garden full of weeds, house dirty and dusty. A total backlog of things going back to last August, especially cleaning and sorting out around the house. Computer jobs which go way back- we lost our address list when the computer went wrong just before Christmas and I am still trying to make a new one and retrieve addresses that we lost months ago!

Been having renovations done but not the sort you normally do! ...................

10:30pm and going down the end of the garden once again to talk to the Great One who made me. I've discovered that He really enjoys this as much as I do, but the more honest I am the better He likes it. Its alarming how much He likes my honesty. I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that! Sometimes the stars are out and sometimes not. If they are out I tell Him- "The stars are out tonight and the moon is shining through the branches of the sycamore tree." As if He didn't know that already! I asked Him in January if there was any real renovating that needed doing, thinking of course that He would say, "No we are pretty much up to date"

There were huge holes in me Help! Well I did know there might be a few but they were round the back of me so if I couldn't actually see them they weren't really there were they. But now we are looking and they have all pooled into one big hole that needs mending. Its round the front since I asked about the renovating job and I keep falling into it.

This is so uncomfortable. I mean that doesn't easily begin to describe it really. Before this there was a real nice grey area that I could sit in but now I keep falling into this huge black hole.

I am out on the edge with this great God who when I invited Him for a closer look took me at my word. There was one particular night- it may have been raining- as I found myself having a chat in the greenhouse. I was standing on the edge of the hole that night and pretty near falling in totally. I used to consider myself fairly normal. In fact the blessing of everyday life and its tasks & joys and hassles pretty much fills up the time so you don't notice the holes or even have to think about them. But if you ask ....well thats a different matter. The night I nearly fell in I found myeslf praying my best prayer- "Help" "Can You help me please!!!" I almost did not expect an answer but all of a sudden there was this firm and solid ground. I was lifted up and right into faith. I was right into

JOY UNSPEAKABLE AND FULL OF GLORY and surrounded by the same

With it comes the peace too and we are then in a different world. Before there was a grey but now there is a hole and then the solid ground with no comfort zone between.

Its both amazing and horrendous depending which side of it you are on